I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
