The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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