I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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