Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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