Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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