I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
