Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
