my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
