dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
