Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
