Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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