my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
