it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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