Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
