Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
