when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My ATM looks so different sober.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
