wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
