and you said cock pushups were impossible
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
