booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
