But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
