Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
