our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
