Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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