I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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