I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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