WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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