all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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