Can i not drive my cunt home
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
