The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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