Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
