you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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