Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
