Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
