So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
