You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i think i just lost a toe
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
