Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
