Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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