so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
