Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
