You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize