i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
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Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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