I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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