He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
