I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
