clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
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I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest