After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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