the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
