bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
