Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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