everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
