guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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