I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
