Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
