She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
