He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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