Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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