Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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