He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can I color on your dick again?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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