They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
