Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
