I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
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Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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