I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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