You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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