definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
