You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
