:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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