Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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