I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
