Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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