just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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