He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
